I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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