i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
