I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
