Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
