Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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