I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
