Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
