its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize