i barfeds in our rink
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
