Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just blew my weed a kiss
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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