Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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