There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
