She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think a kid would responsible me up
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
