Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
