i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I need to stop coming to work sober
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
This is my gift to your gina
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
