i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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