We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
