Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
