They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
