Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
