My friends, they love my intelligence
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We need a shit load of segways right now
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
