He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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