Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
