wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
