You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
