i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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