He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
