idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
he thought i was a dude.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize