I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
