Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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