i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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