So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
