Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
