Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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