He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
