Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
