I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
