I smell stomach acid.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
