There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
