OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
