I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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