She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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