im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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