well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize