Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
