I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize