Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
