I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
