i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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