Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
