ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
