Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
