I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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