ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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