Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i think we sleep fucked last night...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
