I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
