Duck Duck Cougar?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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