How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
