You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
