Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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