Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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