i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
