I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
