how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
