I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
