I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
