I just saw a hot homeless man
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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