Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
