If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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