made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
