this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
