I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
