I faked an abortion last night.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize