Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
