maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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