I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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