PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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