yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
