I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
