We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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