What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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