P.S. I can't hear my feet
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
