We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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