i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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