Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
