my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
