wanna go halves on a baby?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
