OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
