I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
