I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize