Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
