hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
