Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
