By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
