I accidentally burped into my bong.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
