i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
