I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
