Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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