if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
