moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize