Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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