I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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