these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
