i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize