If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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