I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
