I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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