i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
