No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Is Oprah even human
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
