So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I want her autograph on my taint
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
