i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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