I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
