It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
