Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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